What is the cost?

My standard fee for a individual 50 minute session is $80.

My standard fee for a 50 minute couples’ session is $100; an 80 minute couples’ session is $150.

I offer a sliding fee option, based on your income and my caseload availability. If you have any questions about my fee, please feel free to let me know—it’s likely we can work something out!

Where is your office located?

My office is located in Portland, OR, at 3430 SE Belmont Avenue.  This building also houses the Tao of Tea, a small performance arts theater, and an acupuncture practice.  On your first visit you can enter the large front doors and take a seat on one of the benches in the main entry room--my office is upstairs and I'll come down to meet you at our scheduled time.

Do you offer a free initial consultation session?

Yes, I offer a free 20 minute consultation when I have time available in my schedule.  I always offer free consultation through email and over the phone.  Before you decide to email me, please read the confidentiality disclaimer about email at the bottom of the "Schedule an Appointment" page on this site.

How do I schedule an appointment?

Give me a call at (503) 757-6259 or send me an email at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it and we'll work out a time to meet.

Do you accept insurance?

I don't work with insurance at this time.  Most insurance companies require that a diagnosis be given before they reimburse for counseling--and I don't provide diagnoses at this time.  Many people benefit from counseling, but don't want to be labeled with a diagnosis that becomes part of their medical record.  I'm always happy to provide a receipt and/or a summary of our work together if this is helpful to you.

Did you write the articles on this website?

Yes.  Thanks to all my clients and others who have read them and given their feedback.  I hope you find them helpful.

What are your credentials?

I have completed all coursework and clinical training for my Doctorate in Clinical Psychology (PsyD) from Pacific University. I’m currently completing my dissertation in order to receive my degree. I have my Masters in Clinical Psychology from Pacific University at this time.  I have worked as a counselor for over 5 years with adults of all ages at organizations approved by the American Psychological Association (APA): Portland State University, Central Washington University, Lifeworks NW (Beaverton), Pacific University’s Psychological Service Center (Downtown Portland), and Pacific University’s Counseling Center (Forest Grove). I have specific training and experience in Gestalt, ACT, Emotion-Focused, and Collaborative Couples’ therapies. In addition I have trained in and used effective, holistic, and wellness-based approaches for treating sadness, grief, and worry.

Being a counselor is a great job. I enjoy bringing my energy, vitality, and sense of ground into the work I do.

If you have any questions about my approach to therapy or my credentials please don’t hesitate to get in touch by phone or email.

Below is a collection of frequently asked questions about specific issues for which people commonly seek counseling.  The answers provided are not exhaustive and are intended as starting points for big questions.  If you have a question I don't cover here, feel free to email me.  I'll respond to your email and I may post the answer to your anonymous question on this site.

Frequently asked questions about the loss of relationships:

Why does it hurt so bad?

In a word, attachment. People are social beings and we are wired to give and receive affection. Before you knew your partner your natural ability to give and receive love was free floating. When you fell in love with your partner your need for love became specific to that person—no one else would do. You got used to having your needs met by your partner and began to associate your good feelings with them. This is normal, and your ability to fall in love—to share tender feelings with another person—is a sign of health. When your partner is lost to you, a tear in attachment occurs that leaves many people feeling like they’ve been stranded in cold water far from the warm shore—their source of good feelings is gone and they may feel scared, sad, and hopeless. Recovery from the pain of relationship loss involves learning to re-center the focus of your love within yourself. Rather than swimming endlessly toward shore, you learn to recreate your own shore right under your feet. Once you have taken the time to properly grieve and let go, you will find that your natural ability to give and receive love will return. This will allow you to enter your next relationship without significant unresolved baggage.

Why am I having these obsessive thoughts about my ex-partner?

The loss of an important relationship is often experienced as a legitimate emotional trauma. Your mind and body react in many ways to protect you from additional harm, just as they would had you experienced another kind of trauma such as crashing your car or witnessing a horrific event. Obsessive thoughts, difficulty sleeping, early awakening, and loss of appetite are all physical symptoms triggered by a flood of stress-induced neurotransmitters in the brain. Your mind and body struggle to maintain a state of constant mental vigilance and physical readiness in the wake of a trauma. Subjectively, you experience this as obsessive thinking, an increased sense of vulnerability, feeling ‘keyed up’, a sensitive startle response, and changes in your eating and sleeping patterns.

I’m having some suicidal thoughts, is this normal?

Depression and suicidal thoughts are common during the initial agonizing pain of a difficult breakup or divorce. It is important to remember that these feelings will pass—you are currently at a dip in the road, but the road will not stay low forever. If you are confused or scared because of suicidal thoughts, it is important to remind yourself that you probably don’t really want to die—you probably want to escape this terrible pain and you imagine suicide as a way out. There is a big difference between passing suicidal thoughts and developing a plan with the intent to kill yourself. Suicidal thoughts of any intensity indicate that you are under significant stress and would benefit from as much social support as you can get from your friends, family, and counselor. Serious or persistent suicidal thoughts, especially when accompanied by a suicide plan and intent to die warrant immediate action. Please call 911 or the Multnomah Crisis line at (503) 988-4888 for immediate help if you are feeling acutely suicidal. If you aren’t in Multnomah county, here is a link to a website with numbers for crisis lines in Oregon, and nationwide: http://suicidehotlines.com/oregon.html

Why do I keep repeating the same painful pattern in my relationships?

There are many reasons, and I’ll explain some of the major ones. People tend to seek out the same patterns in relationships that they experienced in their family of origin. There are several theoretical reasons for this. Here are two of my favorites: 1) People are drawn to try and heal in their relationships any emotional damage they sustained in their families. For example, if you had a distant parent who never quite gave you the love you deserved, you may find yourself drawn to emotionally distant partners. Your (often unconscious) hope is that you will finally be able to get the love you deserve from a familiar-feeling source. Unfortunately, this is often like trying to squeeze a lump of coal into a diamond. 2) During childhood, people learn protective patterns they use to keep themselves safe in the world. We are drawn to people and situations that allow us to use our familiar defenses. Continuing with the example above, even if you know that your parent was distant and that you want more intimacy in your life, the fact is you may feel more comfortable with some distance, because this is a familiar way of interacting for you. It may be less threatening to feel the familiar disappointment of distance than it is to connect with a partner who is emotionally available and who appears to be “luring you” toward the unfamiliar, emotionally vulnerable terrain of intimacy.

What can I do to change my patterns in relationships?

First, explore your patterns and connect them to your history. Next, clearly identify why you would want to change them. No one ever changes embedded patterns without first weighing their pros and cons and deciding that change will legitimately result in more happiness. This is because change causes anxiety and it takes hard work. If you really want to change your patterns in relationships, here are a few places to start: 1) Recognize that you should focus your energy on changing yourself, not your partners. (If you change yourself you will automatically attract a different kind of partner.) It will be helpful for you to explore in counseling what kinds of people you are typically attracted to and how your relationships typically begin. There are often many warning signs at the onset of a new relationship that people with established patterns do not notice or have trained themselves to ignore. Developing and listening more closely to your internal warning system can give you much more decision-making power in your choice of relationships. 2) Many people bounce from one relationship to the next without ever taking the time to grieve, explore what went wrong, and re-center their energy and love within themselves. If this describes you, your work is to slow down, face your pain and fear, and work through it. It is only when we are standing with both feet on the ground that we can make clear decisions and good choices about who we want to date, love, or partner with.

Frequently asked questions about couples’ therapy:

How can I get my partner to come to couples’ therapy?

First, the obvious: Sometimes less is more. Try not to use threats or ultimatums to coerce your partner into couples’ counseling. Try letting them know what it would mean to you to do counseling together. If you are truly about to leave your relationship and see couples’ counseling as a last chance to save the relationship, this may be OK to share with your partner—try to be honest and calm while sharing this kind of information. Connect counseling to positive feelings and outcomes for you and your partner—although it takes hard work, couples’ counseling results in more happiness and understanding for many people—that’s why it’s still around. For any relationship to work, both partners need to put in effort, and attending counseling is usually evidence that an effort is being made. Make sure your partner understands that any competent couples’ counselor will align with both members of the couple equally—neither member will be made to feel like the “bad guy”. Some people are particularly resistant to using couples’ counseling for fear that they will be judged and blamed by the counselor. This should never happen—it is the counselor’s job to support and understand both members equally, and help them to articulate their position so that it can be heard. Sometimes picking a counselor of the same gender as the most reticent partner can encourage them to try couples’ counseling.

What will couples’ counseling be like in session?

I typically open the first session by asking each member about the decision to use counseling, what their hopes are for counseling, and what their fears are about it. I ask about the history of the relationship—the good times, the hard times, etc., and assess for family and relationship patterns in your background. I will make time in each session for you to ask questions and check in with me about how counseling is going. If we need to shift our focus, we will. As counseling progresses I help each member give concrete, recent examples of times when things were going poorly or going well in the relationship. I help members articulate what they wanted in these situations that is different from what actually happened. I help couples talk about how they were feeling in situations and what particular outcomes meant to them. I tend to run a balance between talking individually with each member of the couple and having you talk to each other. The benefit of having each of you talk to me individually is that it gives the other member practice with listening and it breaks up whatever communication pattern has been established in your relationship. It also allows me to help each of you articulate where you are coming from without compromise or interruption. The benefit of having you talk to each other is that often the same patterns will emerge in counseling that you experience in your relationship—but I will be able to help you process what happened instead of shutting down. I will encourage both of you toward unedited honesty and toward articulating your uncompromised, ideal position. The idea here is not that your partner can necessarily meet all your fantasy needs, but that it is much healthier and more freeing to incorporate your dreams and fantasies into your relationship than it is to bury and ignore them.

(c) 2008 Great Northwest Counseling, Portland, OR